I like the cut of this Meg's jib...
This hamster monster movie is better than any action film in the theaters right now.
Filed by
Meg Favreau
Dear HOLLYWOOD MOVIE MAKERS,
Please watch the attached "MINIATURE-MOVIE." It is by
Hello Denizen and serves as an example of HOW AN ACTION MOVIE SHOULD BE MADE. Including:
LENGTH: Avengers: Age of Ultron was 2 hours and 21 minutes long! This small movie is 1 minute and 55 seconds long. MR. JOSS WHEDON, this small movie is much easier to watch! Do you perhaps have a BRAIN PROBLEM that makes you confuse MINUTES AND HOURS? Was Age of Ultron was supposed to be 2 minutes and 21 seconds long, but you were TOO EMBARRASSED to fix your mistake? IT IS OK. JUST DO NOT DO IT AGAIN.
ROMANCE: Too many action movies have a ROMANTIC PLOT LINE shoved in them because apparently HOLLYWOOD PEOPLE think that WOMEN ARE HOLLOW-BRAINED and will only see a movie with ROMANCE. The only ROMANCE in this small movie is A HAMSTER'S ROMANCE WITH DESTRUCTION, and that is all that my POOR WOMAN BRAIN needs.
PRACTICAL EFFECTS: "Jurassic World"? More like JURASSIC LIVING INSIDE A COMPUTER WORLD. If you can't even sell people on CG dinosaurs in the TRAILER, how do you expect to SUSTAIN AN ENTIRE FILM? Does Chris Pratt constantly yell, "HEY AUDIENCE, CLOSE YOUR EYES IF YOU DON'T WANT TO SEE BAD CG!"? This small hamster movie uses NO COMPUTER GRAPHICS and the hamster DOES ITS OWN STUNTS.
Hollywood, please FIX ALL OF THE ABOVE.
SINCERELY,
Meg Favreau
FILM CRITIC AS OF JUNE 2015