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Prey - The Implicit Cut

The Scribbling Man

The Scribbling Man

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Nothing for this on IFDB yet, and from what I've seen on the rest of the net, nothing that takes this approach (which, to me, seemed like the obvious approach when i first saw the film). I see people trying to improve the CGI, and I see people rescoring the film, and I see a black and white version with the Comanche dub, but nothing that takes things to the level I feel the film needs.

If it wasn’t already apparent, my “Implicit” cuts are all about making themes and narrative implicit, and removing anything too expository or on the nose; it’s also a general experiment in seeing how effective visual storytelling is when we remove most of a film’s main storytelling device. With Double Indemnity, I removed all narration; with The Haunting I removed all inner monologue; and with this I am removing (nearly) all dialogue. I may do a version where there is absolutely no dialogue as well, or I may just stick with the general minimalist approach. I’m unsure. Generally speaking, I think Prey already has an effective visual narrative and almost none of the dialogue is needed, but some of it does serve to develop characters and clarify things. This is why i am currently opting to keep key lines. However, any lines that are kept are in Comanche - there is no English dialogue from the Comanche characters.

In addition to that approach, I’ve made some changes to scenes to keep the focus on the human characters and avoid Prey being a Predator movie until the first official encounter. I’ve also made changes to special FX sequences.


In summary:
  • Bare minimum dialogue from Comanche characters - when they do speak, it is in their native tongue. Scenes are re=cut or re-synced to allow the dub to seem as natural as is possible (within reason). The only English we hear is when the multi-lingual Frenchman tries to communicate with Naru.
  • Aside from noises, thunder in the sky, and the strange clues Naru finds scattered around as she’s tracking, there is nothing to explicitly tell the audience that this is a Predator movie until our protagonist meets the Predator. Yes, this means the Predator arrival, prep, and animal hunt scenes are gone. I don’t think the effects are very well executed here anyway. The Predator reveal comes during the bear fight, where even here, it is hard to see much beyond blood dripping over a cloaked individual.
  • Trims to FX spectacle to keep the clunky CGI to a minimum. The bear scene has had the most changes.
  • The runtime currently sits at around 75 minutes (excluding credits)
  • I also changed the title card to something cleaner, because I think the original looks like it was lifted from a Worms 2 terrain.

Where it’s at:

First draft territory. One scene still needs some foley doing, and a couple of others aren’t where I want them visually. Because, honestly, I think the CGI animals in this look rather poor, I am considering trying to replace key close-up shots with real-life footage of animals - perhaps taken from something like Planet Earth? if anyone has ideas of where I can pull this from that would be great. Specifically:

  • close shot of a deer looking up/being startled in a wooded area
  • Close up of a female lion snarling (at night, if possible)
  • any footage of a bear by a rocky stream. Ideally a close up and a birds eye shot if possible.

---------------------------------

I will likely share some clips for feedback. But if anyone has a surround sound system and would like to preview the 2nd draft, that would be greatly appreciated, because there's some tricky audio editing here. I will be looking for feedback on:

  • Transitions/technical execution
  • Any dialogue you feel should not have been cut
  • Any dialogue you feel should have been cut
  • Any general thoughts/ideas for consideration

Please only volunteer if you can commit to giving detailed, time-coded feedback in a timely manner.
 
Here are two examples that demonstrate how minimal i'm going, and I think set some character stuff up without the need for loads of dialogue (not final A/V quality!)

Clip 1:
- added new titles
- sky beneath titles doesn't show the ship arriving, but a flash of orange thunder and a cloud (lifted from later in the film and incorporated into shot)
- hard cut to Predator title (fainter that intended - will adjust that)
- partial foley rebuild
- all dialogue cut
- CGI eagle is only breif
- altered shot of Naru so that her smile disappears

Clip 2:
- Most dialogue cut and limited to information on the Chief's health.
- Redubbed in Comanche. Re-cut to limit visibility of lip syncing
- partial foley
- Naru leaves when her brother arrives and the mother comments on him bagging the red tail

Original for comparison:

For me the only needed dialogue is establishing the war chief as ill - and even that is not essential to the story. This same dialogue also establishes Naru as good with medicine (but again, there's plenty later that shows that). The brother snagging the red tail instead of waiting for Naru to take the shot, the mother's brief look of disapproval at her sharpening her axe, and Naru leaving when her brother comes back with the red tail to mother's approval, all help establish character well enough without dialogue IMO.

As always, i'm open to thoughts and feedback.
 
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Will have a look when I get home. This is a pretty good movie, the best since the first with Arnold in my opinion. It was on my wishlist waiting for a good reason to be bought. There it is!
 
I don't remember all the details from that movie, my apologies if I sound off.
First of all, I really like your concept for this edit. I think it will work well with this movie particularly.
Is clip 1 the very beginning of the movie? it feels a bit rushed at first. I didn't have the time to fully understand what she was doing exactly. This character seems to be the one taking her time (by opposition to her brother), but not in that scene...
Then the transition to FE.org made me miss the very brief orange 'lightning', twice! I like how you placed the title, if it is indeed the very beginning of the movie, why not start it there?
Clip 2 was great. Were there any more talk about the orange medicine? I can't remember, but I know it's important in the story. it felt very brief as well, but I'm pretty sure they do reveal what it is later. again my memory is not clear about that kind of details.

can't wait to see more!
 
daedal said:
Is clip 1 the very beginning of the movie? it feels a bit rushed at first. I didn't have the time to fully understand what she was doing exactly. This character seems to be the one taking her time (by opposition to her brother), but not in that scene...
Click to expand...

I'm not sure I fully understand what you're saying. If it's not clear, what's happening before/after the title are not the same scene. I just started the clip slightly before the title for some context. The very beginning of the movie has her chasing a deer, only to get distracted by the thunder. I haven't changed anything prior to when the title appears. If youtube doesn't block it, I can try uploading a longer clip so you can have more context.

Edit: here's the original titles. Basically, it shows the ship arriving, and then pans up into the main title and transitions to the eagle. The only real difference with what I've done is add the "fanedit.org" and "scribbling edit" text cards, remove the ship from the shot, and instead of panning up to the title we hard cut to it:

Then the transition to FE.org made me miss the very brief orange 'lightning', twice! I like how you placed the title, if it is indeed the very beginning of the movie, why not start it there?
Click to expand...

I'm not trying to draw attention to the lighting, but if it's brevity is distracting I can change it. The important thing for me is to hide the ship arriving. I don't really want to cut the opening scene.

daedal said:
Clip 2 was great. Were there any more talk about the orange medicine? I can't remember, but I know it's important in the story. it felt very brief as well, but I'm pretty sure they do reveal what it is later. again my memory is not clear about that kind of details.
Click to expand...

Thank you. There's much more dialogue in the original. The mother says the knife was from her father and was not meant for hunting. Naru says she almost caught a deer with it, and the mother says "we can't eat almost". I do like that line, but it doesn't look good with dub syncing and it isn't needed. When the brother comes in there's a bit of banter before she leaves. There's also some very on-the-nose dialogue about why she wants to hunt.

We see her use the medicine throughout the movie, so there's plenty to hammer it home. There's one breif scene with her mother again later where she's told someone survived because of her medicine.

Again, if youtube will allow, I'll try and upload a before/after for context.

Edit: I've updated my previous post with the original clip so you can compare. Laid on wayyy too thick for me, haha.
 
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Here's a clip of the bear scene, which is a work-in-progress:


original:

My aim is largely to help the scene come across a bit better and avoid clunky FX work. I've made a number of changes to try and aid that, but there are a couple of my changes that I'm struggling to get in a good place. So I think I need feedback/impressions.
 
The Scribbling Man said:
If it's not clear, what's happening before/after the title are not the same scene. I just started the clip slightly before the title for some context. The very beginning of the movie has her chasing a deer, only to get distracted by the thunder
Click to expand...
Yes ok my bad. I really need to rewatch the movie before I make more comments. Sorry if Im not being super clear sometimes, but your clarification tells me you got where my confusion was coming from I think!

I have to rewatch the bear scene on something other than my phone, but I like what you've done with it. I think the bear going up the hill then back down running for the dog was originally made for us to fear for Naru's safety, but I didn't feel it. Nice job with that and now we have a truly courageous dog!
 
daedal said:
I have to rewatch the bear scene on something other than my phone, but I like what you've done with it. I think the bear going up the hill then back down running for the dog was originally made for us to fear for Naru's safety, but I didn't feel it. Nice job with that and now we have a truly courageous dog!
Click to expand...

Yeah, I don't have a problem with that part of the bear scene aside from the fact that the fx work doesn't sell it, so just generally trying to keep the bear out of the limelight.
 
This is great news, I had the same concept in mind and your edit will save me from doing my own, which is always good while i have limited free time - i bought the 4K ready to have a go one of these days. I just had a quick look at my phone notes where i write all my ideas and i wrote after my first and only watch....No English dialogue...that's it :)
 
The hard-of-hearing subs for this are probably the most tedious I've ever had to create... [bird whistles], [twig snaps], [gasps in french]

I have a draft 2 of this that I'll be watching through before I make more changes (the bear scene has already been updated).

If anyone would be willing to preview the third/semi-final-maybe-final draft after that I would be very grateful, if only to get some impressions on how the pacing/narrative comes across with so little dialogue.
 
Watched through my draft (first time properly watching it through without stopping to edit/re-edit) and going to make some additional cuts, including some light pacing tweaks to a couple of action sequences. On the whole, quite pleased with how it's turning out. It's interesting how different it feels like this. Almost like a short movie... yet somehow it's just over an hour long. Kind of an atmospheric survival movie that turns Predator.
 
Another one of the few scenes with dialogue, and much has been shaved.


Changes:
  • all dialogue now in Comanche
  • all dialogue re-cut to avoid lip syncing issues
  • Cut Taabe asking why Naru came back, cut Naru's talk about the tracks and the gutted snake, and something else being out there etc
  • Cut entire scene talking about the plan to capture the lion and naru being ready for her trial - we can see in the next scene that bait is being prepared and her "trial" is no longer an explicit part of the narrative
  • The lecture about the lion's teeth is reduced to two sentences, spaced out before abruptly being cut off by the attack. I kept these chiefly for pacing reasons.
  • Cut or trimmed weak FX shots from the lion

Note: not final A/V quality
 
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I've been bumped by a couple of people about this, so just a quick update.

After being previewed by a handful of people, I consider the edit done. It's been sat in the "done" pile a while. I just haven't prioritised putting together poster/cutlist etc. So it's coming, just as soon as I can justify putting the time into prepping it for release.

There will, eventually, also be a 10 minute short using cut material and with an alternate ending. That needs some more fine tuning though.

Thanks all.
 
Shout out to @futon88 for their crazy swift and detailed review. I've just finished adjusting something based on their feedback, so a new file will be promptly uploaded and available within the next day. To those that have messaged me - thanks for your patience. Won't be long.
 
Fantastic edit man. I the only things I didn't like were the spoilery source warning card, the unnecessary spoilery narration at the very beginning, and everything about the title appearance. The added lightning is not large enough to appear realistic, and I really dislike the tacky predator font which can also be spoilery. This cut was a definite improvement and made the film quite unique experience. An absolute gem to behold. I can't wait for your next endevor.
 
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^^ Thanks. Glad you enjoyed it. By "spoilery" are you just generally referring to those things referencing it being a predator film? So you presumably don't like the title card because I've used predator font? And you don't like the "one day a monster came" line because it eludes to what's going to happen?
 
yes the source warning card has a predator on it, and I find the mention of a monster giving the watcher expectations where there should be none for maximum effect. the predator font I mostly dislike for being so damn ugly plus for people already familiar with the franchise it does kinda spoil it.

I showed this to my gf who has never seen a predator movie, she didn't notice the warning card and the mention of a monster, so she was properly surprised :D
 
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